What can I share with you about sexual abuse, and more importantly, why am I sharing this with you? The point of this is to share God's miracle-working power!  However, in order for you to see this, I feel you need to somehow understand the serious pain with which I lived almost all of my life.  I used to feel that my life was a total waste and everyone would be better off without me.  I now realize that the sins of sexual abuse which were committed against me did not just effect me for the duration of the sexual acts, but in reality, most of the pain was planned by Satan to effect me the rest of my life.  It almost worked.  That is until Jesus Healed me!

I was first raped at the age of 12.  I happened to be home from school baby-sitting my two-year-old niece when someone broke into the house.  I was raped at the hands of a man in his forty's.  He not only threatened to stab me, but he also threatened the life of my precious niece.  The fear that I felt that day did not leave me for nineteen years.  Satan planted this seed in my life and even though I hid the plant called fear, that plant grew BIGGER and BIGGER every day of my life.  Most people did not know how to deal with the pain that I was experiencing.  They felt that I should forget about it because it was over. I had an Uncle who was a minister.  I remember him saying at a family function, “I am praying for you.” I did not understand what he meant.  What I heard was that he thought it was my fault.

As a teenager, if it was out there I did it.  Drugs, Alcohol, and Sex.  I had pain and I was trying to find a solution.  At the age of 18 I was partying in Underground Atlanta with two friends.  The party ended with a kidnapping (we were taken to another county) and a rape situation (again!).  I had really believed that if you were raped once it couldn't happen to you again.  WRONG!!! This time it was at gun point. Having the cold barrel of a gun against the temple of my head encouraging me to obey the demands of its owner, caused me to just shut down and do what I was told.  I really felt I was going to be killed this time.  When they (there were three men) were through, they left us in an abandoned house in a bad neighborhood without any clothes.  Again, it was conveyed to me to forget about it because it was over. I lost any self-respect and self-worth left in me that day, and it was not to return for another thirteen years.  At this point I believed that God had done this to me because of my past sins.

I am a women who was married for years and never even believed that my husband loved me.  My husband used to tell me that I didn't even like myself.  There is so much to share with you but too little space.  God never told us to hide our pain, but to bring it to him.  Once I was able to bring the pain to Jesus, little by little He has shown me other areas over which Satan had control because of the door opened by these two acts.  Once these areas were revealed to me, I was to give them back to Jesus for His help in overcoming them.  One of the biggest proofs of His healing touch is my being in the prison ministry.  I can tell you that there has only been once that I felt fear inside the prison walls.  I have been able to give the testimony of God's healing power in one of North Carolina's prisons which has a rehabilitation center set up for sexual offenders.  Years ago the Lord showed me that in these situations, Satan has targeted two victims.  The people who are committing these awful sins are Satan's victims too. A lot of them will never escape his clutches.  Is this why I go to prisons?  I really can't say that.  The real reason I go is because God told me to go; and as proof of his call the “spirit of fear” has never been allowed to follow.  I can tell you without a doubt, God heals.  If he can heal me and other victims, I know that he can and will heal, and forgive, the offenders who have been Satan's pawns.  Equally as important, what God has done for me, He will do for you. My Jesus is not a respecter of persons!